No Rice!!!

(No, this post is soooo not about me. I am such a rice person, as is Aiden. In contrary, this post is about Ian!)

Can you believe that Ian has never had rice, ever.. in his life! He hates rice... We've had pretty viscous struggles with rice, but he still wins every time. (Imagine me holding him down and forcing him a spoonful of rice!) Even if I hide the rice, he would manage to 'filter' it in his mouth and spit it out. In the end, I gave up. Also, typical second child syndrome, I wasn't too particularly worried about his lack of interest in food. (Kalau Aiden dulu, when he went through the same phase, I brought him to the pediatrician and bought toddler recipe books just to entice him to eat!) 

So for the longest time, Ian survived on fries, Oreos/Chipsmore, roti canai and milk! He was constantly asking for milk. He didn't gain weight and was able to fit into his 2 year old clothes. However, since we came back from Ipoh (and all those hours I spent feeding him at the hotel breakfast buffet!!), I noticed that Ian is starting to gain weight! His cheeks are chubbier and his thighs are fun to squeeze! Macam chicken drumsticks! *giggles*

A photo of Ian in his "solat baju"... posing at the Ipoh hotel parking. Check out the cheeks!

He still hates rice guts, but at least he is now open to a more elaborate choice of food. Here is what he's into nowadays, other than his staple fries, roti canai, cookies and milk: 

French toast

Pancakes with maple syrup

Pappa Rich's thick toast with susu

Cereal with milk

Cream crackers cicah Milo

Macaroni and cheese

Keropok and papadom 

Any type of cakes

Macaron shells

Karipap, albeit only the sides 

Roti canai and roti tisu

Still picky, tapi boleh laaaaa. Don't know when he'll start eating rice, but I hope it's soon!

What are we going to do with that hair???

Since I'm already sharing about Ian's milestone meal antics, let me share a few snippets about Ian that made us laugh:

Me: Ian, where is your school?
Ian: Ekbebek (at the back)

Me: Do you want to go to school?
Ian: Yes... Kids!
Me: Real Kids?
Ian: Yes! I want to bring talet (tablet)...
Me: No... you can't bring your tablet! But you can bring your lunch box and water bottle.
Ian: Ok!

(While listening to the radio in the car)
Ian: Mummy, I want my song!
Me: *confused* What's your song?
Ian: Noh noh noh!
Me: Oooooo...(Maroon 5 - Don't Wanna Know)
Aiden: Oh, my favourite song is "Once I was seven years old..."
Me: Oooooo...(Lukas Graham - 7 Years)

Pelat words:
Delu = blue
Fivi = TV

That's all for now. Thanks for reading!

Back In The Office

Hi peeps!

It is my first week back at the office.. and I am swamped with emails!

I spent my first day waddling through my inbox, and it was a nasty surprise for me to find a couple of work related emails asking me why I wasn't responding. Unfortunately due to my abrupt leave, my regional nature of work, andddd the absence of an out of office reply, not everyone knew that I was on emergency plus compassionate leave. Apparently only the local team, a few select colleagues and of course my boss in Houston were aware. *sigh*

I spent that morning sending apologetic emails whilst trying to recover with work so that everyone could get back on track. I left the office way way way past my normal time that day - sampai lampu office automatically terpadam at one point, which I took as a sign that it was time to leave! But Alhamdulillah, once I explained to everyone why I was away, they were very understanding. Risau jugak that my working relationship with my colleagues would be affected due to this.

Also, I am grateful that it is bonus month. This year's bonus is significantly less than last year, but at least ada daripada takde. Some companies are not even giving bonuses this year. Unfortunately the bonus portion that I usually segregate for handbags and such, dah habis untuk bayar my father's hospital bills and our extended stay in several hotels in Ipoh. Takpelah... I look at it as my last contribution to my father. After this I wouldn't be contributing anymore to him. In fact, I don't even know whether I will return to Ipoh anytime soon. There isn't anything anymore there for me.

Kids are recovering from their nomadic lifestyle. They enjoyed the Ipoh trip very much... Ian siap ade withdrawal period as soon as we arrived home. He kept saying, "I want hotel...." Huhu Ian, you think Mummy chop duit issit??? Aiden on the other hand is now struggling with his backlog of homework. Next week is exam week and I have been quite the tiger mum these past few nights!

Emotionally, I am doing alright. As I said, I have never been close to my father hence as soon as we arrived home it felt as if nothing had changed. In fact, as soon as I got into town, I went to Ikea for a shopping spree. (Hey, shopping is therapeutic!) But I will never forget the traumatic experience leading up to my father's demise. To be part of the decision making process in pulling the plug. I wish that none of you would ever have to be part of such a life and death decision.

Aiden asked me a really hard question the morning we decided to bring my father home. He asked, "Why are you bringing kampung datuk home if you know that he is going to die at home?" 

Tough question to answer to a 7 year old boy...

Anyway, thanks for reading, and I promise to write more. I've got my whole trip to India to blog about too... God knows when that will be!

Hubby's attempt at cheering me up - Aglio Olio with buttered lobster. *yum*

Al-Fatihah

It is with great sadness and heavy hearts that I write to inform you that Papa left us yesterday afternoon at 1:27pm. InsyaAllah, he is in a better place.

After a week in the ICU and so many conflicting messages from the multiple doctors treating him, we finally decided to bring him home. It was a very hard decision for us, but I think it was the right decision to do. 

Just as a slight recap (for the benefit of Aiden and Ian who will be reading this when they are older), the doctor performed a brain EEG on Friday afternoon. The results showed that there was no brain activity. However, the doctor couldn't say for sure whether the results were due to the sedatives he was given a few days before the test, or because he was no longer with us. There was a chance that the sedatives were keeping him in deep sleep because his kidney wasn't performing well. But because of his age, the doctor gave a 90/10 chance that we would not survive; but he also suggested for us to give Papa a chance until at least Monday. 

Clinging to any chance of hope, the siblings suggested for a dialysis to purge Papa's system off the sedatives, so we can know for sure. Kalau tidak, takut ralat and menyesal. 

It was a slow 24 hours dialysis in two blocks of 12 hours. Started at ~10pm on Friday night and scheduled to end on Saturday night. However, that Saturday afternoon, Papa opened his eyes briefly, although his eyes weren't focusing and he was staring into space. Everyone rushed in to mintak ampun maaf. We were so happy, as we thought the dialysis was working and that Papa was coming out of his sleep. 

It turned out to be just a brief moment of joy for us. Saturday night a few hours before his dialysis was due to end, the doctor called for an emergency meeting. Apparently, his BP was dropping, heart was declining and reliance to ventilator was climbing. The doctor wasn't sure whether he would last until Monday. The girls started crying while the boys looked stunned. Collectively as a family, we decided to bring him home the next day. 

The next day we arrived at the hospital and had a last meeting with another doctor. This doctor reaffirmed our decision, as he confirmed that Papa was now relying 100% of life support oxygen and that his lungs dah bengkak. An ambulance was arranged, and we finally brought him home.

Alhamdulillah, it was a swift and peaceful ending. All his wives and kids were surrounding him on the bed, while the nurse removed his life support tube. I was holding on to his left hand when the tube was removed; during the procedure he opened his eyes and he actually pulled his hand back. Allah jer yang tahu betapa sakitnya that was for him. I started crying buckets right after that. We had prepared a standby oxygen tank for him but we didn't need it after all. Just less than 10 minutes after that, he took his last breath. I still remember watching him take his last 3 breathes; during the last breath he slowly closed his eyes and we all knew that he had left us for eternity. 

Hubby joined my stepbrothers untuk mandikan, kapan and solat jenazah. Alhamdulillah, Allah made everything easy for us and Papa selamat dikebumikan selepas Asar semalam. Bernama, Malaysiakini, The Sun Daily, Sinar Harian, NTV9, Astro Awani and Astro radios also covered his demise; you can read about it here: 

Former Tambun MP Yahaya Shafie dies https://m.malaysiakini.com/news/373819

Again, if it is not too much to ask from my readers, may I ask that you recite a prayer for my Papa. Sedekahkan Al-Fatihah and doakan that rohnya ditempatkan dengan orang-orang yang soleh dan beriman. Ampunkan dosanya, lapangkan kuburnya dan jauhinya daripada azab kubur. 

To those yang tak putus-putus mendoakan for him since my last blogpost, from the bottom of my heart - thank you. To those who took the time to offer your condolences to the family by Facebook, Whatsapp, IG messages and such, thank you for grieving with us. Your sincere condolences have warmed our hearts during this period of grief and sorrow. 

Prayers Requested

I am finally back from my extended business trips. The kids had fun at Sentosa Island, Singapore while I attended meetings. I then had a whirlwind repacking frenzy - less than 12 hours back home to drop the kids, unpack, swap luggage and repack, and then Hubby and I left for Incredible India where we spent a couple of days touring Delhi and Agra before I started my string of conferences.

While we were in India, we received news that my dad was down with the common flu and cough. What was worrying was the fact that he fell down. Despite our insistence that we bring him to the hospital, he declined. I don't know how the siblings managed to coax him, but eventually they went to the hospital where he received nebulizer treatment for his persistent cough and phlegm in his lungs. ECG was done but found to be normal and he was allowed to go home. 

Unfortunately he fell down again at home, a few hours after they left the hospital. This time, no one realized that he had fell and they only found him during Subuh. He barely had the energy to pull himself up, so collectively the siblings decided to admit him to the hospital for one night. He had a fever, high BP and his lungs were congested that the doctors were worried that he might have developed an infection. Closer to the afternoon, he started talking nonsense and didn't make sense. Everyone thought it was because the medication was so strong and he was groggy. 

Mind you, when all this happened, I had just sent Hubby to the Delhi airport for his journey home and I was busy preparing for my conferences in Delhi and Mumbai. I barely had time to look at my phone. 

As the days went on, my dad's condition continued to decline. He couldn't pass urine, his lungs were congested and his speech was still slurred. But he was able to move his hands and leg normally and he had a good appetite. 

Finally, I arrived home on Friday morning. Papa's condition was still the same. They did an echo but found that his heart was fine, and there were even talks about discharging him right after his lungs cleared. After discussing with Hubby, we decided to make a trip home to Ipoh for the weekend, to visit both Papa and the new baby (I had a new nephew while in India). 

We arrived at the hospital on Saturday afternoon. He looked absolutely fine except for his speech (macam lidah pendek, so I couldn't make out what he was trying to say), the occasional nebulizer treatments for his lungs and a slightly elevated BP. He kept indicating that he wanted to go home. I guess he had enough of the hospital already. 

We left the hospital late afternoon to check in to our hotel. I promised him that I would come again at night, and he nodded to indicate that he understood.

Well, everything spiraled downwards right after that. He complained of chest pain, his oxygen level declined, high BP. Drastic change, so the hospital decided to move him to the High Dependency Unit (HDU). They did an MRI on him and found a small blood clot in his brain. Due to that, they suspected that he had a mild stroke. During the night, his heart rate spiked and he developed AF (irregular heart beat) so they gave him medication to prevent the risk of stroke.

The next day he was struggling to breathe, so the hospital moved him to ICU. His body was weakening and the doctors suspected that it was because of the lung infection. We rushed to see him that morning, and he looked so sickly. He was struggling to breathe, gasping for air and wearing an oxygen mask. They gave him some relaxants so he was asleep when we came in. In the afternoon visiting hours, he heard us and opened his eyes. He tried to remove the wires on his body and indicated with his hands that he wanted to leave! We tried to calm him down and coaxed him to sleep. That night, since his oxygen levels were so low the doctors decided to put him on life support. 

The next day (Monday) he was still on life support with no improvements. Monday night, the doctors told us that he was in critical stage, and asked us to sign a DIL notice. DIL stands for Death In Line, meaning the condition is very serious and can lead to death. The doctors asked us to prepare for the worst. As of today, there is still no change in his condition.

I've never been close to my dad as I practically grew up without him in my life. But still, it hurts to see him in so much pain. If it is not too much to ask from my readers, can I ask that you extend a prayer for my Papa. If the best is for him to recover, then pray for him to get better soon. However, if it is time for him to go, then make it quick, easy and painless for him. Let him go dengan tenang, mudah dan selesa.

Thanking you in advance, for your sincere prayers.

Much love,

Liz